No one’s ever accused me of being “sweet” before

21 Aug

… so I guess this proves that there really is a first time for everything.  Imagine that.

Just as I was resigning myself to neglecting my little second-tier science fiction review blog as I (in contravention of the traditional American mythology) head East to find my fortune (because I’m still pretending that there’s fame and fortune involved in being a history grad student, if only for my parents’ sake), I find that a fellow blogger with the quite distinguished handle of Lord David Professor has nominated me for an award.

Because nothing says “meritorious” like long, syntactically-impenetrable sentences with lots of parenthetical digressions and hyphenated adjectives (see what I did there? (see what I did there?)).

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how this Internet award nomination chain thing works.  But from what I can gather from my gracious nominator’s own blog post, I have to answer some questions and make nominations of my own.

So, without further ado, proof that I am truly not worthy of

The Super Sweet Blogging Award

1. Cookies or Cake?

If my parents are to be believed, I had about half a dozen pacifiers when I was a toddler.  I slept with them in my crib.  One was my clear favorite–it had a twin, a “bippy” (as I called it) with an exact twin, same color, same non-Newtonian viscous rubber composition.  But they tasted different, and I could tell with one lick which was the preciousssss and which was a counterfeit.  One night my favorite bippy fell out of the crib and rolled under my sister’s dresser.  My mother says I cried and cried, and she tore the room apart to find it.  We were re-uinted, but in the interim I found I had a taste for my thumb.  I bit my nails to this day.

2. Chocolate or Vanilla?

All that thumb-sucking did something to my tooth growth patterns; when those glowing white baby teeth fell out, my mother saw with dismay that my “grown-up teeth” were a grotesquerie of fangs and overbite and overlapping ridges of enamel.  We have no pictures from that time.  I got braces young–age 10, fifth grade.  The orthodontist gave me headgear to wear at night.  I tried, I tried to wear it, but how can I be blamed for what happened in the middle of the night?  When I woke every morning, I found my headgear had been thrown across the room, to land under my sister’s dresser.  She still wears her retainer.

3. What is your favorite sweet treat?

They sent me to a special dentist once, an expert in root canals.  He was not our usual dentist, the sinister man who play golf with my father sometimes, when Jerry and Mike were unavailable.  He was, they said, the best.  I still had my braces.  These were the days of full metal bands around the molars, the days when fillings were metallic, when biting down on foil sent electric shocks down to the tips of your nail-bitten fingers.  The braces, they said, were moving my teeth (dramatic changes took drastic measures), and somehow that had created an abscess at the root.  Well that was bad, and the expert was supposed to fix it.  He told me: “Wave your left hand in the air if you feel any pain.”  Then he numbed me.  He touched my chin, and my cheek, and even my ear–I couldn’t feel anything, not even the pressure.  But when I began to drill he touched a nerve too, and I felt that.  My left arm jerked into the air, but he didn’t stop.  I called out incoherently, his hands in my mouth.  I bit his latexed hands.  “I felt that!” I said.  He looked at me strangely.  “No you didn’t,” he said.

4. When do you crave sweet things the most?

I drink my water room temperature, my hot chocolate lukewarm.  I’m told that in a root canal the dentist removes the nerve entirely, but if that’s true then I have a phantom nerve, and sometimes it twinges, and 12 years later I’m afraid to tell anyone.  I have insurance.  I don’t care.

5. If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be?

Please, please … please don’t make me think about this anymore.  The pain– THE PAIN!

Thanks for the nomination, Lord David Professor!  I totes should win.

Anyway, in the grand tradition of chain mail and FWD:FWD:FWD:FWD subject lines, here are my nominations:

2. She’s reviews indie SF at a crazy rate, and does it more efficiently and more diligently than I ever did, and, most importantly, may or may not have a unibrow.  She’s Frida Fantastic of Adarna SF!

1. He’s a prolific author, a fellow Lostie, and sings non-religious songs about Christmas.  He also may or may not have a clone who also writes sci-fi and let me be a beta reader for a forthcoming book.  It’s … B.C. Young of The Time Capsule (and, on this blog, of Miscorrection fame)!

(I’m letting them know on their respective blogs right. this. second.)

To finish up, I’m pretty definitely completely sure that I did this totes wrong, but guess what?  It was fun!  Wow, all this sweet talk made me really hungry for some spaghetti.  Off to cook — everyone else can eat cake.

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One Response to “No one’s ever accused me of being “sweet” before”

  1. B.C. Young August 22, 2012 at 3:47 am #

    It’s an honor to be nominated. I’ll let my clone know.

    I got I have to forward the chain, though I doubt I completely understand it.

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