Some statistical analysis for the Losties out there. Kind of.
For the last six months, I’ve been re-watching LOST (yes, all of it), and recently finished up season five. Meanwhile, two astonishingly illegible post-its have been taped to my desk. Their purpose? Tracking the violent acts of characters in the show. Here’s what I have so far–I typed out the numbers because even my tallies are hard to read (let’s remember I literally failed handwriting in 2nd grade):
Wait… Jack killed someone? Saint Jack Shephard? Son of Christian Shepherd (oy vey, what a name)? It’s okay Jack fans, whatever strange folks you must be, don’t freak out–it was way back in Season 1 when Sawyer shot the marshal and… well… kind of missed and Jack had to smother him out. As you can see, Sawyer became a much better shot as time went on.
No surprise that Sayid is one of the deadliest castaways–he almost never fails. But then, he’s a trained assassin, or, as Hurley famously says: “He is my friend. Be he also has this double life where he does crazy ninja moves and spy stuff.” I can’t even remember who that 1 attempted kill was, but the tallies don’t lie.
The rest of the numbers hold few surprises either–Juliet’s a cold fish; Keamy’s friggin terrifying; Smokey’s a monster, literally; Sawyer’s a badass, and Eko too. The beard cutting thing, though, that was a little weird.
But probably you’ve already noticed the most glaring exception from the list, by far the most dangerous individual on the Island. That’s right, it’s–
And let’s not forget that this is just seasons 1 through 5; I’m pretty sure Ben gets some more kills in season 6 (Widmore, for example). Pretty much the only way you can escape Ben Linus is to be a kid (Charlie Hume), have a kid (Penny Widmore, Danielle Rousseau), or stay out of his way. And stay away from Juliet. This count doesn’t even include the deaths he masterminded. Anyone remember Goodwin? I didn’t think so.
Word to the wise.